T minus 3 weeks...

You know those moments when realize how small you are?

I’ve had quite a few of them over the past few weeks—

I realized how SHORT my time here is, and realized how much of those girls’ lives are ahead of them-it made me feel guilty for leaving.

I don’t WANT the girls’ ideas of Americans to be people who simply come, see, feel sorry, and leave.

I don’t WANT to just hope that God’s presence is evident in the rest of their lives. It feels like closing my eyes and crossing my fingers and just walking away.

I don’t want to just imagine that they live with a sense of grace and purpose. I’d rather see it happen, or even just be there if it doesn’t.

I don’t WANT to tell them that they will probably never see me again, but it’s true.

The past few weeks have been great—another baby was born healthy and beautiful, and 2 more clients have come to Mirembe House. I’ve been able to sit in on more counseling sessions, and do some more of my own individual counseling. The girl that came in a few weeks ago that at one point in time felt done with life is now already doing amazingly better. She’s smiling every once in a while, and has a baby book made. I know she still has struggles—dreams that haunt her, and questions about the future. But she KNOWS that there are people who love her.

I was typing out minutes from staff meetings that dated back to 2011, and I got pretty jealous of the staff and volunteers at Mirembe House. They get to really be a part of these girls’ lives even after they leave. They get to visit, and be aunties to the babies, watch the kids grow up, and witness success stories, and be present when things fall apart for clients. The staff members are a family. They pray together, know each others’ lives, know each others’ kids, experience ups and downs of the ministry together…

But more thinking led me to realize the other side of this—the sacrifice that the staff and volunteers make at Mirembe House is incredible. Their WHOLE lives are Mirembe House. They don’t really get to leave one day and forget what has happened. Their lives are wrapped up in what’s going on there- they understand that Mirembe House may demand more of their time, more of their wallets, more of their energy than another job would. It may even demand more hurt, more pain, and more confusion, more hopelessness.

The reason I think they stay is because the blessings are worth it. The joy they have from experiencing God’s community and God’s work in peoples’ lives is worth it. The way they are able to bring God’s love is so worth it.

The more I witness what goes on at Mirembe House, the more I realize that life can be so beautiful when we’re part of a community that focuses on love. Don’t get me wrong, Mirembe House has its drama… but overall, the girls know that they can’t replace each other. No one understands what they’re going through as well as the people around them. The staff knows that they can rely on each other—and that makes even the most hopeless situations more beautiful.

In one of my lessons the other day, we played a little game (some of you might recognize it… I kind of snagged it from my youth group days). I split the girls up into two teams—two “bodies” if you will. Each girl had a role- one was the ear and mouth, one was the feet, one was the eyes… They had to work together to kind of do an obstacle course-- one girl gave directions after getting instructions from me, one had a blindfold on, and was guided by the other girl who was directing her to do the different tasks. It was pretty hilarious to see them trying to figure everything out… some of them were just laughing super hard, others were ticked at each other for guiding them carelessly, etc. It kind of looked like chaos for a while, but after sitting down to talk about it, they were all able to laugh with each other about what was going on. We talked about being a body of Christ—and how we each have different gifts, and how we need each other to really survive. I realized how pertinent this was to them. They need each other to get through this rough point in life. Some of them are more willing to admit it, but they all need each other.

But I think it’s just as true for the rest of us.

One girl commented on how frightening it was for her to put on a blindfold and trust the girl in front of her. How true… to trust each other in community is so vulnerable. To put myself out there, and really open up to a community to figure out life, and love deeply is scary. We could be left alone, in the dark, or run into something along the way. But the joys far outweigh the sacrifice. The love and sense of belonging far outweighs the independence and “safety” of living outside of community.

So 3 more weeks, and I’m done with my internship. After that, finals will take place, and we’ll spend time in Rwanda before coming back home. It’s incredible how short 4 months is, but it’s incredible how much growth occurs in that time.

A volunteer from Mirembe has become a great friend to me, and said the other day:

“Mary, some people come and go, but I want you to know that you’ve been such a special person in my life. I won’t forget you.”

Melt my heart. Then this.

“You know, some people miss their friends so much… I will miss you, but then again I won’t. Even though you may be far away, you’re with me in spirit- and I’m with you. You’re my sister.”

WHAT a beautiful way to see the body of Christ. Mirembe House may not be part of my future, but it is in a small way. It’s shaped the way I see a lot of things, and it’s taught me so much about love, and care, and service. The people there have impacted my life in small ways and large ways. In a small way, they’ve become my family too. I’m thankful. 

Baby books and such...

So, the Internet on campus has not been working for the past week… I apologize for the lack of update after so many crazy stories about Rural Home stays. It feels good to be back on campus, and good to be back at Mirembe House. I’m over half way done with my internship, which blows my mind…

I feel as though I’ve just started. For a while last week, I felt as though I would leave this place with a sense of guilt that I haven’t done enough, or that I haven’t used my time wisely-- or that I should have worked harder at finding creative ways to encourage the girls, or should have spent more time finding things to teach them--that I should have poured more of myself into them, or taken more chances, etc… there were a whole bunch of those thoughts going through my mind. (If you read my first few blog posts, you’ll recognize this as my fear leaving, moving on, and not learning anything from the experience.) But, praise God-- He’s teaching me more beautiful things about how to love the people He loves.

I’ve been able to teach the girls how to make headbands, make baby books with them (including a photo shoot of them and their pregnant bellies so that those photos can go inside the baby book), and paint a few walls in Mirembe House with bible verses. Pictures below!

I’ve been able to practice individual counseling, and learn a little bit more about how to cook Ugandan style.

The week’s been great.

Also, I’ve been practicing taking initiative since I got back… it’s one of the areas that my supervisor suggested I grow in during my midterm evaluation. I was happy she mentioned it, because I’m often someone who relies so heavily on instruction, and being in the transition between the educational world and the professional world is a good time to practice taking initiative and stepping out on a limb when there’s not as much that I can mess up by making a mistake.

Anyways, while I was thinking about leaving, and trying to figure out ways to take initiative, and all that kind of stuff, I realized that I was trying to do this all on my own—that I was trying to focus on my own strength, and telling myself—I can do this! I’ve got this… etc. Hah. Yeah right.

Mirembe House began about 10 years ago with Prayer. They continue to pray and fast throughout their ministry; setting aside one day a month for a whole day of prayer and worship with the staff, and every Wednesday they spend more than an hour before lunch doing the same thing. They pray every morning and night with the girls, and I know they pray beyond those times. 

I got a metaphorical smack to the face after my midterm evaluation.. I found a great lesson on dependency when I was reading a homework assignment for the class I’m taking here. In the book, Compassion, by Henri Nouwen, prayer is explained like this:

“Without fully realizing it, we have accepted the idea that ‘doing things’ is more important than prayer and have come to think of prayer as something for times when there is nothing urgent to do. While we might agree verbally, or even intellectually, with someone who stresses the importance of prayer, we have become children of an impatient world to such an extent that our behavior often expresses the view that prayer is a waste of time.”

Oofta.  Then this.

“Prayer requires that we stand in God’s presence with open hands, naked and vulnerable, proclaiming to ourselves and to others that without God we can do nothing…as disciples, we find not some but all of our strength, hope, courage, and confidence in God. Therefore, prayer must be our first concern.”

One occurrence that I feel relates to this is in regards newest client at Mirembe House. We’ve gotten four new girls since I last updated, and the newest one has a heart-wrenching story. I sat in on the interviewing process, where the social worker there finds out about her background, and determines if the girl is a good fit for Mirembe House, etc… and let me tell you, this girl has gone through hell on earth.

I won’t include all the details… it could be a novel of its own, but essentially this girl was rejected by her family when she was 10, tried to live on her own for a while, and because of her kindness and faithfulness to Christ, she has been fired from several jobs (again, the details will make this too long, but trust me, that part alone had me in tears). She then stayed with some friends, who encouraged her to prostitute herself in order to earn money… she refused, but got in a sticky situation with a job she thought was just house work, leaving that job without knowledge of what she was going to do next, or how she was going to find money to feed herself. On the way back from that “job opportunity,” she got raped by three men on the side of the road, and got pregnant from that.

Her tears just kept coming the whole time she was explaining this. With literally nowhere to turn, another organization stepped in to simply stand beside her and love her. But they couldn’t provide housing or money for her, so they brought her here.

At one point in time, she confessed that she hated the baby right now. I mean, that sounds harsh, but from everything that happened, it made sense in a strange way. The social worker finished by explaining that although she’s been through something very difficult, God’s heart is breaking with her. God wants to stand beside her and bring her healing. And then she explained that Mirembe House would stand beside her too, doing all they could to help her towards a better situation.

There are no words to explain the amount of pain in that room.
I went on with the rest of the day and was able to help the other girls make baby books. I know that some of those girls have had similar experiences as what I just described to you, and so seeing them get excited, thinking about the baby’s first steps, first words, and all those other things reminded me just WHY I can’t do this on my own. The reason why God is the ultimate healer is because He brings hope that no one else can bring. He is the one that continually mends broken hearts, brings joy out of crappy situations, and provides hope to anyone and everyone. The stark difference between the pain that was expressed by this new client and the joy that was evident in the other girls made me just a little bit hopeful, that at some point in time, God might do a similar work in her. He can bring her to love this baby-- because God has a beautiful, wonderful plan for it.

This is Barbara with her newborn-- Patra Alliyah. :) It's from a few weeks ago, but the baby's doing GREAT, and so is the mom. Praise God.

The girls went AT this wall when they found out they could paint it... I thought I'd have to break up a few fights over positions. It now says, "Children are a gift from God..." (from somewhere in psalms)

More painting. They're quite concentrated on their work.

Baby books! :) 

In the process of making baby books.. I literally had to pull the paper and stickers out of their hands so that we could save some of the work for later..

So, I keep praying, and I remember that even if my time here is short, God’s called me to love outside of myself, because that’s all I can do at Mirembe House. What an honor.